Iced Tea: The Diminished Status of the Tea Party Movement

The Tea Party movement is losing steam, cooling down, ice cold. Whichever of these played out puns you want to use to describe the movement, it applies. The protests have mostly come to screeching halt, outside of a rally the group held outside of the U.S. Capitol in late February to celebrate five years of the movement. Oh, they grow up so fast. The movement kept quiet during the 2012 GOP presidential primaries as no candidates showed much interest in backing the cause, but it did show up with a strong backing of Paul Ryan as the final election drew closer. One can only wonder if the Tea Party has anything up their sleeve in the next couple years regarding the race for the White House.

The idea seems good to go at first glance: Low taxes! Small government! Retro flags with snakes on them! Then people realized that between their lofty goals and disorganized, chaotic lack of structure, that their big plans would never come to fruition. Now that kettle’s not cooking. Slowly we started to see that this Tea Party was kind of like that tea party from Alice in Wonderland. So here you got conservatives, now known as Alice, minding their own business. La-dee-la-dee-daaa, reading a nice book, enjoying the weather. Then BAM! Next thing they know, they get sucked down a rabbit hole and end up at a whacked-out tea party featuring an insane guy in a top hat and a giant bunny.

So not to get too nerdy but in the original Alice in Wonderland novel by Louis Carroll, the Hatter and the Hare are always having tea because they are stuck in time at 6:00, a punishment they received for killing Time, who is a character in the story. See? Puns are always funny, even ones that aren’t. Right?

Well, what is funny is that there are any buffoons that still align themselves with the this outdated movement. They must be stuck in time, just like our heroes from the other tea party. See Alice the Republican just wants to get home (specifically that big white home on Pennsylvania Avenue) but she has to get through that topsy-turvy party to get there. Alice had to leave this deranged meeting of the minds to get home, as those who stayed ­­would surely suffer the same fate of time warp madness that plague the Hatter and the Hare. Alice has to skedaddle away from that there picnic faster than a jackrabbit in June. And as we can creep closer to election season, the GOP has to make sure they find the candidate that’s as far away from that scene as can be. We don’t want the screaming, uninformed nutter vibe associated with the Right Wing anymore.

I have this whole other thing about how Obama is the Cheshire Cat with his quarterback smile and vague phrasing, but that’s one for another day. Moral of the story, conservatives want stoic and proud, not picketing and loud. You know who was stoic? Reagan. You know what Reagan would call the Tea Party Movement? Hippies. He would say something creative and catchy like telling those protesters to ‘blow it out their holes’ and nobody would be offended because of how he’d go about saying it. More Reagan and less obnoxious protesting on issues on misinformed notions. Leave that to the Left Wingers.

Michael Killian O'Connor

Mike enjoys long walks on the beach and a hearty steak dinner. He is a rising senior at Mount St. Mary's University, where he earned the honor of being ranked the #15 mascot in the 2014 NCAA basketball tournament by Sports Illustrated.

He also writes for the Mount St. Mary's Echo newspaper as well as for www.derbyamerica.com, your favorite site for all your roller derby news. Mike would like to assure everyone that, if you followed it, you'd be all over it.When not writing for Rightly Wired or latest roller derby news, Mike is a camp counselor with the YMCA, working with precious and incredibly fun special needs children.

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